This thesis business has been a behemoth to conquer; I actually refer to each Wednesday as an impending bust to my ego. But I say this with a smile. As frustrating as it is to be unsure of what direction to take or what the larger question on-hand should be, it’s a bit of a relief knowing that there are some academic hurdles that I have trouble facing, apart from jolly ol’ French syntax.
I speak from the point of conceiving paper ideas and arguments. Seldom do I find, especially as years have progressed, trouble in narrowing my points and tying my arguments neatly together. It is almost a rather quick process once my fingers hit the keyboard that I am able to structure an essay well. By no means am I trying to present myself in some type of mythical or self-gratifying light, but that’s how it has been for me in terms of writing.
Perhaps, it comes back to how my mind works – I think rather abstractly and see an idea in my head, and from there, I try to tie each one together in this imaginary mind map, and tease out the strings so as to create some sort of hierarchy. And so used have I become with this style that I can churn out papers with ease, spending my time trying to find the best words to convey my thoughts.
Coming back to this honours business, I thought that it would be a cake walk – if only someone could tell me how wrong I was so much sooner. Tackling this notion of a thesis is a field that is completely unbeknownst to me; a pathway never having been tread upon. There are, of course, similarities and familiar notions in construction to what I’ve written prior but there are huge differences and larger questions raised.
But much as my brain aches in trying to reconstruct and rephrase ideas, I liken it to training at the gym. There are new limits to be reached and explored; I’ve been used to a particular weight set, per say, and am formidable at it, but there is more that I can do with myself. That said, I have to do so with humility, and not brazenness. So cheers to another couple months of wrestling with ideas and research!
Image via NYU Steinhardt