When I was rambling off useless ideas for what would be the never-completed thesis project, the issue of “intent” became a frequent theme and issue. After all, there is only so much that can be determined from afar before the question of “why” and innumerable answers come into play. Contexts collapse atop one another, creating a playing field that appears to be so simple, yet in reality, so much more fraught with complications and nuanced beliefs. So where exactly am I going with this whole idea?
Most of what had happened two years ago has settled, much like the sediment in vintage bottle of wine, though some questions still linger. The rehashed stories that I’ve told find themselves anew with insights that I had not given a second thought until much after the fact. I begin to ask if what I had chalked up to be as an act of good faith had, in fact, been a means of compensating the evitable.
The oh-so-inaccurate notations by the Cat Lady had to have been read and reviewed by others working with me at the time, including the Intern, but nothing was ever made of it until I poured over the records myself. Of course, it didn’t particularly help me in terms attitude and treatment towards me when the Intern noted that I insisted on dubbing the Cat Lady with her nickname. And so as I piece these elements together, I wonder what was the real intent in taking the blame for the trashed office that February 13th morning. And as much thought as I’ve given it all, I realize that I cannot circumscribe any particular answer on my own.
With that said, the question arises: “do I want the actual truth?” In short, the affirmative answer would suffice, but outlying factors weigh in on the immediate pursuing of an answer. After all, posing such a question would rehash everything of two years past not only for myself but also for the Intern. To have that in mind, it occurs to me that it is perhaps time for me to move on. So, I suppose it would be best to leave it at what I had believed for the longest time – an act of kindness.
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