I lay in my bed the other night thinking about nothing in particular. Thoughts crossed my mind, meandering onto another idea every other leap, but then I started thinking about the financials. My mind wouldn’t let go, as if steering the course of my inner dialogue.
I could come home for Christmas, but was it worth it?
The emotional and feel-good side of myself, without hesitation, said “yes.” And that was the voice to which I listened for the past four years. No matter where it was that I wound up, I would always find a way home for the holidays with the reasoning that I ought to spend time with friends and family. The financial impact didn’t seem to matter, because, after all, there wasn’t much family elsewhere.
And then, last year, I went to Hong Kong to visit my grandparents. There was this other side to family, one that was aging. So I bought a $1200 ticket to visit them again this coming January.
It’s not as though I couldn’t afford a ticket back to Toronto for Christmas, but I calculate the days off that I have and look at the available flight schedules, only to realize that it’s not a good fit. No flights departing and arriving leave me with anything convenient that wouldn’t interfere with work, which I’d like to think ranks pretty high up in the priority list. That and an additional $300 for what would be less than a week seems much more of a luxury that I shouldn’t be affording, especially considering that I was home last month.
Granted, I have enough vacation days, but I’ve allotted them to the time I will spend away in January.
I suppose that is part of growing up, especially post-college, when you look to what other life you lead and then look at the financials of it all.
After all that runs through my mind, I make my decision with a heavy heart that I will email the parents the following day to let them know of my plans. I close my eyes and fall asleep, feeling unsettled but knowing that I made the right choice.
With that said, I’m sorry, everyone, but I’m not coming back – this holiday season at least.